rough spots.
Its been awhile since I written an entry. The past couple days have been rough, work wise and boyfriend wise. At work I got a 5 day suspension for my money being short. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. I always count the money back twice, I have no clue as to why its always coming up short. Its very frustrating and no matter how much I hate Shop-Rite I want to keep my job until I find a better one. I have to have a meeting with the union and there going to decided if I can keep my job or not. I got my fingers crossed, I plan to tell them everything and explain myself the best I can. I do have some what faith that they'll let me stay. Boyfriend wise we had a talk and he finally told me what hes been holding back from me. Steve told me he loved me way to early in our relationship and I even said to him "already?" He said he was sorry for telling me he loved me. But now he says hes slowly falling in love me. I know love takes time and takes time to grow. So I'm fine with that, its best not to rush into things. Now it just feels like were back to square one in our relationship and its kind of a bummer. When he told me he loved me on a friendship level it felt a huge hole was punched through my chest. I got so upset that night I got myself sick. Something in my mind just keep saying its over, because it felt like it. I believe Joe breaking up with me and those 8 rough months of being depressed and miserable brought me to Steve. We have had so many fun times together and hes just an amazing. Steve has one of those personalities that are so different from any other guy Ive met. Hes a lot like me and I don't want to be without him. If things were more distant after our talk I was going to let him go. But were doing good and I'm very grateful. It was also a huge wake up call to me, I'm going to change and not be so shy around him and just let loose. We'll see how it goes.

another mellow day.
So today has been rather boring and mellow to say the least. I feel like there so many things that I can been doing other than working at Shop Rite. I talked to my Mom today and she said that I should go to beauty school. Thats what I want to do, I want to get my linsence and get a car. 2010 I'm going to start getting my life on track. Because just working at Shop rite and doing the same thing day after day is starting to bring me down. I want to be somebody and do great things. Any who work soon 4 to close hopefully it will be alright tonight. Steves picking me up from work so I have something to look forward to at least. Hopefully he'll be in a decent mood tonight and be happy. The last couple nights hes picked me up and hes been in a really kind of funky sad mood. Steve is stressed because of his job and his truck always acting up all the time. Which is understandable he works 8-5 five days a week. I would go nuts if i worked those hours almost everyday. I hate seeing him beating himself up and being sad over this job. He does a lot and he deserves more than he makes. I feel sad all of a sudden my period is making me have bad mood swings ughhh. lates!!

Cramps stink.
I'm having quite the painful day. I woke up from a lovely sleep at 5 in the morning with unbearable cramps. I never really get cramps when I get my period. I get really bad cramps like twice a year. Its strange to me its like when I do get cramps I feel like something is going to burst in me. It stinks Ive been in a lot of pain in the last couple of weeks. With my kidney pains and now cramps. I hate having my period, especially when I have to work, no fun. Any who today I'm just working 4 to 8 then I'm hanging with my boyfriend for a bit. I can't wait to see him, hes the one person who makes me 100% percent happy. Well thats it for now nothing really major going on...lates!

A little down in the dumps.
So today I guess is like any other day. I woke up at around 8 and had a text from Steve. He always texts me saying good morning. I love it hes an amazing boyfriend. I couldn't ask for a better one. I fell back asleep and woke up around noon. I woke up feeling kinda sad, my period is going to come so its probably that. I shouldn't get so down in the dumps. I always beat myself up and I wish I didn't. All though I can honestly say Im better than I was. I used to get really really upset and throw things and yell. I don't do that anymore I just get numb and quite. I keep to myself. I only tell one person and thats usually Paige. But Paige isn't around that much anymore. So I guess I gotta learn to be okay by myself for now. It would be selfish of me to un load my problems on top of Paiges. Shes going through enough she doesn't have to worry about me. I would tell Steve and I hate telling him that I'm upset I don't want to bring him down. I don't want to bring anyone down. I feel like Ive come so far and I have over come so many things and made mistakes and now I feel better I feel like a better person. But I still get down in the dumps sometimes and I hate it. Life isn't always going to be perfect not even close to it. Im learning to deal with things better now. I think I'll be okay.

mellow day...
So today is one of those mellow days. I cleaned the house and decorated the christmas tree. I have a lot on my mind. Many things are slowly changing around me. Life isn't what is was I'll tell you that much. Its totally different Im not this little girl anymore. Even though I do act like it sometimes. A year ago I was this over emotional and thick headed girl. Who went to parties like every weekend and got wasted of my ass and having my ex run after me. I look back at that now and I think of how stupid I was. But I wouldn't change any of it. Now my life is more basic I guess you can say. I have a family who loves me. Close friends that our awesome, and a boyfriend who is crazy about me. I work and go out from time to time. Nothing to crazy and I guess thats okay for now. I really want to focus on getting my career on track. I want to be a makeup artist more than anything. Im sick of working at Shop-Rite soo sick of it. Theirs better and even greater things that I know I can do. Any whos going out with Paige and Mike later im excited to see them. Its always fun hanging with them. latess.

Week of freedom
So today has been a pretty relaxing day. Got up got ready and took a walk to Wawa to get some lunch. It was really nice out and warm just a little bit windy. I am in the best of moods yet again. Last night I spent almost the whole night with Steve and it was amazing. I feel so complete when were together. Im definetly in love and its a awesome feeling. Any who I'm going to the Ming with Paige. I'm quite excited, I love the ming. Chinese food is the best i could eat it all the time if I could. I can't wait to catch up with Paige and just have girl talk and stuff. Shes the only one I really tell my business too. I trust her, I had a lot of shady friends good thing I don't talk to them anymore and that there out of my life. Theirs nothing more that I hate then shady friends. Also I am Shop-Rite free for a week. I originally had 3 days off this week but then I got a 3 day suspension on top of that. So now I am off for the week and I'm going to love every minute of it. Harharrr :) Well thats it for now Paige is on her way. So stravinggg.

And Im on my way to believing.
Today started off as usual. I was in such a deep sleep last night it was crazy. I woke up around 11 again. I had 3 missed texts, two from Steve and one from my friend Liz. She always texts me the weridest things lol. Any who I bummed around the house and watched my soap. For whatever reason soap operas entertain me. Work came around at 4 and it was to hell rite I went. As usual the place was busy all night. Its driving me crazy. I feel like im going to go off the deep end from ringing up peoples crap for 6 hours straight. Closing time came and freedom had come! Steve picked me up in his little toyota. For whatever reason I love his truck. It made me want to get one in the future. I think it would be cool and different for me to drive a truck. Instead of driving a honda civic or some crap like every little hoe in this town. I love our time together, no matter what we always fun and were always laughing. Hes so much like me I love it. Were both crazy. He gets me and I get him. So different this time around, Im 100% percent happy with the way my life is right now. I couldn't ask for more. I have a great family. Good friends and a boyfriend who I actually deserve and isn't a fat piece of scum.

"its not a dream anymore, its worth fighting for"

Things are looking up finally
So today was like any normal day for me. I always wake up at 8:30 because Steve always texts me good morning :) I love it even though hes not here with me I still feel like he sorta is. I fell back asleep and woke up at 11. Usually on the days I have to work which is almost everyday I usually just hang at home and wait for work to roll around at 4. 4 came along and it was off to work I went. Shop-Rite this time of year is always a mad zoo. I kinda like it now. I find that time goes by much faster when its busy. I like the people I work with..well most of them anyway. Closing time came and work was finally over. Steve picked me up and I enjoyed our time together. We went for a little ride and then he brought me home. I got home to an empty house which is nice once in awhile. My little brother was home but hes always fun to hang out with. I sat in the kitchen with him and we talked about stupid stuff as usual. I love my little brother hes a lot like me...crazy lol. After that Paige picked me up and we hung for a little bit. We went to Wendy's got some nommers and went back to her house. I always enjoy going to her house for some reason. Its nice not to be home sometimes I guess, and she has the cutest new little kittens. I love them Walter and Dylan my babies! I consider myself a aunt now haha. Paige is my best friend and I hate when shes feeling down in the dumps. I feel like sometimes no matter what I say shes still gonna feel down. But no matter what Im here to help her and back her up. Shes the only friend I basically got 100% and I love her to death. I do want the best for her. I back her up all the way in whatever she believes in. As for me Ive been in the best moods? Its weird for me Im usually mellow and over emotional hehe. Its nice for a change. I also love the new Paramore album shout out! its a great album I love all the songs the make me happy haha. Well thats it for now..

first fight.
Well I guess this is my first entry on this thing. Were to begin...well lets see. Lets start off with today. I woke up from a very good sleep. I felt great. I had a very lovely night before. I saw New Moon with my boyfriend and the movie itself was alright. I thought it was going to be a lot better but it was okay. I enjoyed being with my boyfriend more than the movie so it was all good. I just hung around the house until i had work at 3. Shop Rite is were I work. Being a Shop Rite cashier is so very stressful, people should give us more credit. We do a lot for people and there groceries. It wears out on me and sometimes the job gets the best of me. But as so many people tell me its money. But honestly id rather be broke and happy than be miserable and working. But hey thats life. Im going to be working for years to come. I should just get used to it even if it drives me to the point of madness. I finally got out at 8:15. There nothing that makes me more happy than walking out of work relieved and seeing my boyfriend there waiting for me. We had plans for the night before to hang out. So i assumed that we just would, but not tonight. He just brought me home. I was very upset just for the fact that I don't get to see him as much as I want to. I waited and waited for work to be over to finally hang out with him and it was just disapointing. I don't know how else to put to it. This lead to our first fight now I hate fighting. All I did in my last relationship was fight. To be honest i really don't have that much fight left in me. Steven is the last person I would wanna fight with, he means the world to me and why would I wanna be mad at the one person that makes me the happiest? I just did, were gonna fight. But Im going to try my best not too. Like I said If i am wrong than I am wrong and I'll be the first to admit it. Even when Im not wrong I'll say Im sorry anway. Im a peace maker and I hate drama. We talked for almost a good 2 hours. I told him everything. I poured my heart out thats how I am I don't hold anything back. We got everything worked out and every things fine now. I wanna do things right this time with this relationship. The less fighting the better.


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